Digital and Real Life Don’t Have to Be at War
Much of the current conversation about social media treats the digital world and the real world as if they are locked in a zero sum battle. Online life is cast as a retreat from real connection and community. And the growing interest in analog experiences and pre-digital culture is often read as a sign that people want to go backward, as if the only way to reclaim our wellbeing is to step away from digital life and return to how things used to be.
I understand the instinct. There are real concerns about how these platforms are designed, how they shape our attention, and how they can crowd out the people and experiences right in front of us. But digital and real-world engagement are not inherently in conflict. The two can work together, and each is often stronger when it does.
Consider how many real-world gatherings now begin with a digital connection. People discover local running clubs through Strava and Instagram. They find hobby groups through Reddit threads and Facebook communities. They organize neighborhood events through group chats. They learn about farmers markets, live music, and volunteer opportunities through posts someone shared. In each case, the digital world is doing exactly what a healthy social tool should do. It is helping people find each other and then meet up in person. The reverse is also true. When we meet people in person or show up at events in our community, social media can help us stay connected afterward. Used this way, digital and physical life reinforce rather than compete with each other.
Gen Z offers a great illustration of this. In a previous newsletter, I wrote about how the real world is making a comeback, with young people driving the resurgence of analog experiences like vinyl records, film cameras, board games, independent bookstores, live music, and in-person community events. Critics sometimes read this as a retreat from modern life, as if young people have given up on the present and want to go backward. But that is not what is happening. Gen Z is not rejecting the digital world. They are selectively and creatively borrowing from earlier eras to build something more balanced. You can buy physical media and still utilize streaming services, and that is what many are doing.
Social media is ironically helping drive these retro trends. It is how young people are learning about retro products, styles, and activities, sharing them with friends, and building communities around them. A vintage film photography account on Instagram inspires someone to pick up a used camera. An Instagram reel about sourdough inspires someone to start baking and then trade starters with a neighbor. A group chat turns a shared interest in board games into a standing Friday night. The digital and the analog are working together, not against each other.
And despite social media’s reputation for being toxic, research shows that only a small number of users are responsible for most of the harmful content we see. As I discussed in a previous newsletter, Americans dramatically overestimate how common harmful online behavior actually is. Participants in one study guessed that more than 40% of active Reddit users had posted toxic content. The real figure is 3%. And in our research at the Human Flourishing Lab, we find that most Americans report positive online experiences, feeling connected to communities, capable of civil discourse, and comfortable being themselves. These kinds of experiences can help inspire the openness and goodwill that motivate people to go out and connect with others offline.
None of this means that the concerns about social media are imagined. There are real problems to address. But the answer is not to treat digital and physical life as enemies, or to assume that a richer real-world life requires going backward. The answer is to recognize that our digital and physical lives can work together when we approach them that way.
This positive sum approach starts with us. It means using social media as a launchpad rather than a destination. It means letting what we find online motivate us to show up in the real world, and letting what we experience in the real world give us something meaningful to share online. It means being thoughtful about which platforms and accounts deserve our time, and which do not.
Social media companies would be wise to adopt this approach as well. In our research, we found that 58% of Gen Z believe new technologies are more likely to drive people apart than bring them together, and 75% are concerned about social media’s impact on mental health. If platforms come to feel like an assault on real-world life rather than a complement to it, people will eventually leave those platforms. Humans are physical beings. We need face-to-face connection, shared physical spaces, and hands-on experiences to thrive. In the long run, platforms that help us get more of those things are more likely to succeed. Platforms that try to replace them are more likely to fail.
The positive sum approach is not automatic. It depends on how we engage. So each of us should ask whether our social media engagement pushes us toward or away from other people. Does it support openness, trust, and hope, or defensiveness, suspicion, and cynicism? Does it inspire us to engage with the real world and the people in it, or does it leave us more isolated from both?
Digital and real life don’t need to be at war. They can work together to improve our wellbeing, relationships, and society. But only if we use them that way.
Have a great weekend!
Clay